Denial in Autism

Denial in Autism

 In my experience one of the most common roadblocks to therapy success is denial in parents of children with autism and other developmental disabilities. It’s a hard truth to accept and one needs tons of courage and maturity to accept it as a challenge and work upon it to improve the child’s condition. It is devastating and horrifying for the parent initially but one needs to come out of this vicious circle of denial which only causes a downward slope in the child’s progress.

Some of the most common phrases used by parents in denial are “Its just a delay”, “He/She is Different”, He/She is smart, the behavior is intentional” and “There is nothing wrong at all, it’s just been blown out of proportion”.

Denial seems to crop up because of the following reasons:

Convenience: It is convenient for a parent to say “it’s just a delay, so many children talk late and respond late” than to accept it, face it and have the potential to change it.

Social Stigma: Mental disorders do attract a lot of social stigma even today. Though the situation is changing and some people are now open to the idea of taking help, keeping their ego at bay and working on the problem rather than isolating oneself to avoid being questioned or feeling the fear of being ridiculed.

Guilt: Many at times parents whose child has been diagnosed with autism feels guilty about being responsible for the child’s condition. This often leads to feelings of depression, helplessness, isolation, pretence and self blaming (I must have boozed/smoked during pregnancy and so this happened).

Blaming: One of the reasons for denial is also seen when one spouse blames the other for the child’s condition. For e.g. “because XYZ fought with me during pregnancy so much and I was under so much stress that it resulted in a child with a problem”.

The negative and disastrous consequences of denial are neglecting or disregarding professional guidance and suggestions, delay in treatment and early intervention, poor prognosis (scope of improvement), worsening of the condition and thereby putting the life of the child at stake, and absolute waste of precious time.

In my work experience I have had the best results with parents who are not in denial, who are accepting of the problem, patient to bring about a change in the child for his//her betterment, understanding their child’s needs, parents who feel it is not the end of the world for their child but a challenge to bring about a difference and track the untaken path so that their child can live fully, happily and independently.

            I believe that denial results only in destructive delay and it refrains the child of the help he/she needs. Nothing is more important than the child and definitely not the so called ‘social prestige’.

I sincerely pray that each parent upon realizing that there is a problem with their child should immediately consult professional help, orient themselves with the problem and understand that it is not about tagging the child but to help the child to bring out his/her best under the prevailing circumstances.

“The worst lies are the lies we tell ourselves. We live in denial of what we do, even what we think. We do this because we’re afraid”. Richard Bach